How to Stay Married
Ryan and Leslie each have learned that the answer is both simple and difficult. And for this subject Ryan had a bunch more to say so we had to do a two-parter.
Audio Only Version
Show Notes & Helpful Links
Its the term for the adults still caring for children at home when their own parents care needs rise. It can be complicated, messy and a little uncomfortable. We are here to help navigate.
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Having now seen school from almost every angle and gotten perspective from the pandemic, I have many thoughts on what I would do differently if I had the chance.
Set the table
Staying married. Small topic.
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Segment 1: Choose Wisely
Ryan: When you know you know? Is that true?
Leslie: Not really, especially since we often haven’t really thought about it before. We wait for Cupid to strike.
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Myths to bust here: The One. There is one. If you find The One then you will know and things will be easy.
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Even with a perfect match, things won’t always be easy
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And it puts all your focus on how the other makes you feel, what he does for you
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It’s a set up for failure
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It’s all a punt to leave things up to fate
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Works for a Hollywood Rom com, but not IRL
Ryan: What about timing? Where and when?
Leslie: The only timing you can really control is being available and open to the possibility
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There is some in stages of life, like school. Many options right next to you. Less so when working
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But you don’t control timing. You only control yourself:
Ryan: Let’s talk about the head space you have to be in to be chosen by a great partner.
Leslie:
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are you working on one day being the spouse you’d want to have? Are you open to a commitment or just playing around?
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What about planning? For instance, I knew I wanted to stay at home with kids so I was willing to follow his job which was very travel intensive.
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Do you have enough of a plan that you can have this conversation?
Segment 2: A Trick/Learn Each Others Love Language
Ryan: receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion) and physical touch: People have two. This is how your partner gets filled up.
Leslie-
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That is your answer, and really it is a detail of mine. Worry more about the spouse you are…
Ryan: I would say that you have to get on each others team. You have to know for a fact that they have your back in all types of situations. However you have to do the same? Hard to do- especially if you think they are wrong.
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Ryan: “Traditional” roles vs ‘New Age Roles”. This needs to be understood before you tie the knot
Leslie: Yes. Under traditional system the roles were known. Now they have to be discussed. ​
Segment 3: Marriage - The Easiest the Thing you’ll spend the rest of your life figuring out.
Ryan: So we are coming to the end here. And there is so much to talk about still. I think we are going to have to do more podcasts on this. And I can’t wait. So if you have to give one thing to put into practice toady to have a better marriage what would it be.
For me it is a relentless pursuit. And you honor the marriage above your spouse person.
Leslie: Remembering you are a team together​
Ryan: What was the biggest pitfall that you had in your marriage? How did you get out of it?
Leslie: I was a scorekeeper. I thought love was transactional. You do this for me, then I do this for you
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​Helpful Links
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Our first Twitter Thursday bonus episode was about having a healthy marriage.
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Friendship is a skill, and men's friendships often get neglected which effects marriages and communities.
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Love Languages, Singles edition “to revolutionize your relationships”, For children, For teens