How to Stay Married

Ryan and Leslie each have learned that the answer is both simple and difficult. And for this subject Ryan had a bunch more to say so we had to do a two-parter. 

Audio Only Version

Ep-6A How to Stay MarriedLife Admin
00:00 / 47:14
Ep-6B How to Stay MarriedLife Admin
00:00 / 39:07

Show Notes & Helpful Links

66/ Mindset: Gratitude

Its the term for the adults still caring for children at home when their own parents care needs rise.  It can be complicated, messy and a little uncomfortable. We are here to help navigate.

65/ It Takes a Village 

Life shouldn't be lonely.  We are meant to be together and thrive!  Today we talk about what happened to the village and how we can rebuild it.

64/ How to Delegate

Effective delegation is a neglected skill. Circular trap. When it doesn’t quickly work, we often think it is easier to do things ourselves, which makes effective delegation more elusive..

63/ Back To School

Having now seen school from almost every angle and gotten perspective from the pandemic, I have many thoughts on what I would do differently if I had the chance. 

Set the table

Staying married. Small topic.

Segment 1: Choose Wisely 

 

Ryan:  When you know you know?  Is that true?

 

Leslie: Not really, especially since we often haven’t really thought about it before. We wait for Cupid to strike.

 

  • Myths to bust here: The One. There is one. If you find The One then you will know and things will be easy.

  • Even with a perfect match, things won’t always be easy

  • And it puts all your focus on how the other makes you feel, what he does for you

  • It’s a set up for failure

  • It’s all a punt to leave things up to fate

  • Works for a Hollywood Rom com, but not IRL

 

Ryan:  What about timing?  Where and when?

 

Leslie: The only timing you can really control is being available and open to the possibility 

 

  • There is some in stages of life, like school. Many options right next to you. Less so when working

  • But you don’t control timing. You only control yourself:

 

Ryan:  Let’s talk about the head space you have to be in to be chosen by a great partner.

 

Leslie: 

 

  • are you working on one day being the spouse you’d want to have? Are you open to a commitment or just playing around?

  • What about planning? For instance, I knew I wanted to stay at home with kids so I was willing to follow his job which was very travel intensive. 

  • Do you have enough of a plan that you can have this conversation?

 

Segment 2: A Trick/Learn Each Others Love Language

 

Ryan: receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion) and physical touch:  People have two.  This is how your partner gets filled up.

 

Leslie-

  • That is your answer, and really it is a detail of mine. Worry more about the spouse you are…

 

Ryan:  I would say that you have to get on each others team.  You have to know for a fact that they have your back in all types of situations.  However you have to do the same?  Hard to do-  especially if you think they are wrong.

 

Ryan:  “Traditional” roles vs ‘New Age Roles”. This needs to be understood before you tie the knot

 

Leslie: Yes. Under traditional system the roles were known. Now they have to be discussed. ​

 

Segment 3: Marriage - The Easiest the Thing you’ll spend the rest of your life figuring out.

 

Ryan: So we are coming to the end here.  And there is so much to talk about still.  I think we are going to have to do more podcasts on this.  And I can’t wait. So if you have to give one thing to put into practice toady to have a better marriage what would it be.  

 

For me it is a relentless pursuit.  And you honor the marriage above your spouse person.

 

Leslie: Remembering you are a team together​

 

Ryan:  What was the biggest pitfall that you had in your marriage?  How did you get out of it?

 

Leslie: I was a scorekeeper. I thought love was transactional. You do this for me, then I do this for you

​Helpful Links