How to Stay Married
Ryan and Leslie each have learned that the answer is both simple and difficult. And for this subject Ryan had a bunch more to say so we had to do a two-parter.
Audio Only Version
Show Notes & Helpful Links
Set the table
Staying married. Small topic.
Segment 1: Choose Wisely
Ryan: When you know you know? Is that true?
Leslie: Not really, especially since we often haven’t really thought about it before. We wait for Cupid to strike.
Myths to bust here: The One. There is one. If you find The One then you will know and things will be easy.
Even with a perfect match, things won’t always be easy
And it puts all your focus on how the other makes you feel, what he does for you
It’s a set up for failure
It’s all a punt to leave things up to fate
Works for a Hollywood Rom com, but not IRL
Ryan: What about timing? Where and when?
Leslie: The only timing you can really control is being available and open to the possibility
There is some in stages of life, like school. Many options right next to you. Less so when working
But you don’t control timing. You only control yourself:
Ryan: Let’s talk about the head space you have to be in to be chosen by a great partner.
are you working on one day being the spouse you’d want to have? Are you open to a commitment or just playing around?
What about planning? For instance, I knew I wanted to stay at home with kids so I was willing to follow his job which was very travel intensive.
Do you have enough of a plan that you can have this conversation?
Segment 2: A Trick/Learn Each Others Love Language
That is your answer, and really it is a detail of mine. Worry more about the spouse you are…
Ryan: I would say that you have to get on each others team. You have to know for a fact that they have your back in all types of situations. However you have to do the same? Hard to do- especially if you think they are wrong.
Ryan: “Traditional” roles vs ‘New Age Roles”. This needs to be understood before you tie the knot
Leslie: Yes. Under traditional system the roles were known. Now they have to be discussed.
Segment 3: Marriage - The Easiest the Thing you’ll spend the rest of your life figuring out.
Ryan: So we are coming to the end here. And there is so much to talk about still. I think we are going to have to do more podcasts on this. And I can’t wait. So if you have to give one thing to put into practice toady to have a better marriage what would it be.
For me it is a relentless pursuit. And you honor the marriage above your spouse person.
Leslie: Remembering you are a team together
Ryan: What was the biggest pitfall that you had in your marriage? How did you get out of it?
Leslie: I was a scorekeeper. I thought love was transactional. You do this for me, then I do this for you
Our first Twitter Thursday bonus episode was about having a healthy marriage.
Friendship is a skill, and men's friendships often get neglected which effects marriages and communities.